Musical queens (noun, plural) - gays (and sympathizers) enlightened enough to realize that stage and screen musicals are the be all and end all, the ultimate cultural flowering of the human race.

At a time when the musical is an endangered art form, they  are no longer a hobby – they are a cause. In fact, becoming a true "musical queen" today is less a matter of taste or artistic preference than of degree. This is not a classification open to dilettantes. Musicals queens don't merely care . . . we believe.

Most gay men are culturally aware enough to have some interest in musical theatre, but not all make the grade as musical theatre queens. Do you have a handful of original cast CDs scattered among your Madonna's, U-2's and K.D. Lang's? A Playbill or two hidden in a drawer? One musical poster on your bedroom wall (from a production you didn't see) for purely decorative purposes? If so, sorry honey – you don't rate. Musical theatre queens collect recordings, videos and memorabilia with a vengeance, attend numerous screenings and performances, argue about musicals at the drop of a hat, and do all of the above with the subtlety of a chain saw at a prayer meeting. Musical queens love non-musical theatre and film too, but it is a different sort of passion; you cannot sing along with the greatest works of Arthur Miller or Michael Tarantino.

Many people have asked over the years if it is possible for enlightened lesbians and heterosexuals to rate as "musical queens." A special few share the mania, the sense of belief -- so some lesbians and heterosexuals deserve to be considered honorary members of our enchanted circle. (I refuse to even guess where bisexuals fit into all this -- as a classic lyric so aptly puts it, "indecision is a bore.")

For Us, It's Like Football . . . Sort of
For gay believers, musicals are what football is to many straight (and an appalling number of gay) men. We relish souvenirs, memorize statistics, cheer on our favorites, and know all too well the difference between a winning season and a losing one. Where they have the Superbowl, we have Tony Award night, and just as football-loving hets are not required to throw a great forward pass, musical queens are not required to tap dance. Granted, musical theatre queens don't strip half naked and paint their torsos with show logos, but we have to leave straight men some form of unrepressed emotional expression, don't we?

Having defined the genre and its gay adherents, let's look at their joint history. To do this we must step back to a time when (horror of horrors!) musicals did not exist, and the Deity realized something was needed to bring color to a dreary, drama-heavy world.